Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Dating in the Asian-American world, specifically Chinese, doesn't seem to be any easier. (see mini post below on different classe of Asians)

My grandparents came to share their lives via a traditional arranged marriage. He's currently 81, she's 78, and have been more or less happy since day one. He asked me yesterday during a phone call whether I had a boyfriend, since I obviously needed one as I was growing "older".

A college friend of mine (Indian), married her husband through a modern arranged marriage, and recently had her first child in February. Pleased as peas they are, and she's pretty much a stay at home mom ever since.

Me on the other hand, I'm 28, have never dated a single Asian, much less Chinese guy, and have never been asked out by an Asian guy. I'm not lamenting this fact, just making a statement. The closest I ever got was a Korean football player in high school, unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to date in high school....oh, and my Korean date for Prom, but he was just a friend.

Labor Day weekend was very relaxing. I convinced myself and a couple girlfriends to attend a bbq bash coordinated by some of the local Asian professional groups, I dubbed it the Asian Invasion (AI) as I knew that all the 20-something Asians in the area would be attending. Asians are flocks of sheepish, well... sheep, huddling for safety in our similarites.

(Note: It's not like this in CA, where the Asian majority is so overwhelming, there's no reason or need to declare Asian power. Imagine a college class where 47 out of 50 students are Asian, and the last 3 are white. It certainly presents an interesting reversal of power, they're the ones huddling for safety.)

Asians speed date by playing orange relay, water balloon toss, flip the blanket, and various other innocent games allowing everyone to gradually check everyone else out. There's no real pressure to date, but you know everyone's just there for the meat market. Why else would you attempt to spin yourself silly with your forehead on a baseball bat then run 20 feet? I certainly don't find that enjoyable. I doubt the spectators that get hurled on while you run past them enjoy it much either.

Among Asians, there are many divisions also, and members of one division cannot transfer to another division without being mocked. You've got the FOBs, middle-grounders, and of course the nothing but black crowds. FOBs are the ones holding on tenaciously to their Asian ancestry, they may not speak English poorly (but they are definitely stronger in their native language), but on the inside, they're culturally identical to their granparents. Middle-grounders may be equally fluent in both Chinese and English, be adequately interested in playing and watching (real) sports, and are just as comfortable eating at a Chinese restaurant as they are in an Italian restaurant. Nothing but black usually wear just that. They are the completely American crowd with perfectly coiffed and straightened hair who look down on everyone. White trash bbq girl is definitely nothing but black.

I like my middle ground, but please don't make me catch a football.


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At 6:59 PM, Blogger Holly Golightly said...

uh oh, i think you're getting some spam comments.

anyway...what? you don't enjoy the bat spin race? we actually did that at my work picnic this year. yes, we did. some people DO enjoy it. or rather, enjoy seeing others do it.

i'm in the opposite predicament - i ONLY get asked out by asian guys, haha. ah well, i've learned to come to terms with that. and actually, unlike you, i DO lament that fact. nah, i've come to terms with it.

but sometimes i think arranged marriages should come back. i should tell my mom to work on that.


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